5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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