What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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