So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
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