This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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