New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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