Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
