There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
