just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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