i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
