there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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