$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
