So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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