i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
