Screwed.edu
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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