My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
