So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
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