End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
