I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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