normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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