Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Woke up backwards on a recliner
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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