Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
