I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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