How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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