how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
