The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
