It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
