ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
