Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Randomize
