Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Randomize
