He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
