too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
