bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
