You can't special order awesome
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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