I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
