I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
