I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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