I like my sex mixed with concussions.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
