you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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