Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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