I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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