Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
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