I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Randomize
