I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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