I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
