You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
