He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Randomize
