Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
