I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
