Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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