just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
