I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i think i have herpe
just one?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
