The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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