Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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