i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
