YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
