my sisters under your porch take her home
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
