then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
