You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
