Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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