he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
