Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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