honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
