You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
