mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
