see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
