just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Drake has all the answers
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
