I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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