Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
My hand turned me down
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
