This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
